MattHutter.com

As detailed in my article here I recently had the challenge to see how much I could handle around the house without my wife around. Some families would go up in smoke without either mom or dad around to do their respective responsibilities and some families would adapt just fine. Although I struggled at times I am happy to admit I fall in the latter group.

The 1950s Parenting Roles

In the Leave It To Beaver era men and women had very distinct roles. Dad would “bring home the bacon” and do a couple manly household chores such as mow the lawn, fix things around the house and maybe coach some of the children’s sport teams. Mom would do everything else including cooking, cleaning, laundry, dusting, get the kids ready for school, help with homework, PTU/PTO meetings, decorate the house, buy everyone clothes, buy the groceries and on and on. They were very few, if any, interchangeable spouses in the 1950s.

Women Entering the Workforce

During the 1970s and into the 1980s women were motivated for a variety of reasons to enter workforce. Partly this was the Gloria-Steinem attitude that women could “have it all” and partly this was the the desire for women to contribute financially to the family income and to get out of the house. This forced families (and men specifically) to take one of two approaches to the newfound change to the family dynamics. One is the man could refuse to pick up the chores around the house and let the house go to pot or expect the women to continue to do all of the domestic chores plus work 40 hours per week. The second is that the man could adapt and begin to cook, clean, help with the parenting, laundry or any combination of these chores in an effort to re-balance the family harmony considering Mom was out of the house now 40+ hours per week. Although not many men did it, I believe this second option was healthiest for entire family unit. Mom’s chores shifted more outside the household “bringing home the bacon” and Dad’s chores shifted more inside the household “taking the bacon and cookin’ it up.”

The Family of the The 2000s

Today an increasing percentage of families have mothers who work full or part-time. A recent episode of a popular radio show that discusses start-up businesses confirmed this working-mom statistic albeit indirectly. The hosts of the show said the most popular small businesses started today in the U.S. are day-care centers, landscaping businesses and house cleaning companies. All of these businesses are used by families pressed for time who no longer have the energy or effort required to cut the lawn, watch the kids or clean the house. It’s great news for owners of these businesses, but perhaps not-so-great news if you are a child born today into one of these families.

Interchangeable Spouse Defined

So now that we’ve discussed the evolution of men’s and women’s roles over the last fifty years how comfortable would you be jumping into your spouse’s life right this second? I had just this opportunity when my wife went into early labor expecting our third child nearly three weeks ago. She was admitted to the hospital and could not come home until the baby was born. I already knew I could cook, clean, do laundry, pay the bills, and most importantly care for the kids for many days in a row without interrupting the family life. But were there any chores around the house that I had not done in eleven years of marriage? As it turns out there were a few, but none of them were “show-stoppers” for me. In eleven years of marriage I had never watered the plants and I now know we have fifteen of them scattered about the house. Also, I did know exactly where my wife keeps every single pair of her shoes and shirts in our closet and now I do know. I’m lucky that plants and shoes were the biggest adjustment for me while my wife was in the hospital. I feel badly for those guys I know who would not have a clue how to cook a meal for the family, iron a shirt, get the kids ready for school or clean the house. Likewise, I feel sorry for the women who do not know the family finances, mow the lawn or do basic household repairs. I’ve put together a list of items that could tell you how you, your spouse and your kids would adapt to an instant-one-parent household.

How much turmoil, if any, would your kids notice if you took over the following household chores?

• the morning routine, whatever that might be
• cooking all meals (would you visit McDonald’s 3 times per week?)
• laundry – the difference between permanent press and cotton dryer cycles. Enough said.
• paying the bills – is your life insurance whole-life or term?
• lunches for the kids. Would they buy lunch or pack it? Do you even know?
• car maintenance. Again…enough said.
• holiday preparation (Christmas lights, Halloween costumes, etc.)
• cleaning the toilets and bathroom. Would this even get done…ever?
• caring for a sick child. Administering a dose of Children’s tylenol is NOT caring for a sick kid.
• mowing the lawn – and, no, you can’t hire a landscaper.

My wife and I have discussed this at length over the past three weeks with her hospital stay and we both can admit with confidence that each of us could jump in head-first and tackle 90% of these chores with little or no turbulence to the children. Could you? If not, why not?